The part I left behind
by ncislaaddict123
Summary: Set after Kensi's return from Afghanistan. Callen returns to Ops late one night and finds Deeks working through some issues. Can the pair of them work through their demons and come out whole. My first story co-written with Callen37
1. Chapter 1

A/N Hi, This is my first story, I am co-writing this with Callen37. So I hope you like it.

Please leave me a review and let me know what your think. Thanks. Ncislaaddict123.

Disclaimer, I do not own anything.

* * *

**The part I left behind.**

Chapter 1

He had enough… enough of destroying that damn toaster or practicing his languages.

He had to do something!

He couldn't go, under any circumstances to those terrifying devastating, hopelessly dark 48 hours he had to endure, not only him but his friends/colleagues too.

Not knowing was the worst, he couldn't think about the worst although the little orphan girl came to his mind more than once, he hoped she was ok and she hadn't gone back to the Taliban... he had to do his job!

That was what he was trained for.

He couldn't afford to let his emotions win... but it was hard, he had to pull it together not to run by his emotions when it meant that he was after these people who were seemingly responsible for the death of one he considered as family.

Kensi…The sight of her corpse laying there with her throat cut still invaded the little sleep he did get. He knew she was alive, she was back home, in her apartment, safe and sound, but he couldn't get the image out of his head.

So he decided to go to the old Water administration plant which now was occupied by the Office of Special Projects of the Naval Criminal Investigative Service in Los Angeles, to clean his gun or work off some steam.

* * *

When Callen went through the heavy wooden Door of the building he made his way to the armory, but stopped short as he heard some noises from the gym.

The closer he got the more curious he was, it was 3am, no one but himself should have been in the building.

On the way he heard some mumbling but couldn't make it out.

As he peeked into the room he was not prepared for what he saw...

Deeks was pounding the heavy bag, harder and harder. Sweat was flying off him in all directions, that and…Blood? He hadn't wrapped his hands his knuckles getting smashed with each hit.

"Not him…I'm not him!" he said over and over again to himself as each punch landed on its mark.

Callen could see him swaying; it looked like he had been here for a while.

Suddenly the punching stopped as Deek fell to his knees and sobbed.

Callen looked surprised. What on earth had happened that meant that Deeks was in this much pain?

He hadn't said anything on the ride home although the interpreter had looked at him sadly as they had left the camp, he had tried to talk to Deeks but he had just walked away concerned with getting Kensi out of Afghanistan and home as soon as possible.

He had whispered to her on the plane home, held her as she cried both asleep and awake and focused totally on her. He still hadn't given granger his report on how he had come about the information that the man they had was in fact the father of one of the Taliban members and had managed to exchange him for the American hostages.

Even, he came to think of it, when Deeks had swooped in from the sky on that helicopter and saved their asses; he had not sought the limelight or tried to play up how this time he had been the one to save them.

That was unlike Deeks.

* * *

And so was this… Callen walked over to Deeks who was curled in on himself in a ball.

"Deeks?" he said softly.

Deeks jumped up as if burnt. "Sorry Callen, I'll hit the showers and get out of here." He said quickly striding towards the Showers as if nothing had happened.

Callen smiled sadly, he knew that particular avoidance tactic.

He waited, he knew the other side of that door, Deeks was having a meltdown and probably was losing it in the shower, but he gave the man the privacy he needed. He walked into the bullpen, wrote a note for Hetty and stuck it on her desk.

The note said, "Taking a few days leave, with Deeks…will call soon. G."

He picked up his bag and Deeks' and waited for him to get out of the showers.

Ten minutes later a disheveled Deeks walked out of the shower. "You still here?" he asked surprised.

"Well I'm not going without you." Callen replied with a smirk.

"Going where?" he asked warily.

"Vacation, you and me, three days, a little place I know." Callen told him, "Any you can bring your surfboard and Monty." He said before Deeks could say a word.

Deeks nodded, there really wasn't anything he could do or wanted to do for that matter, so he just followed him out of the building.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

They made their way to Callen's home first.  
He packed in less than 5 minutes and then he placed a call to Sam who answered with a sleepy voice.

"Hey, G you ok? " He glanced at his watch "It's 4am in the morning ...!" he exclaimed he knew G didn't sleep at nights, but he never called him unless it was an emergency.

"I know Sam" Callen sighed "Just wanted you to know that I'm bailing out for a couple of days" he paused for a moment, "I'll be taking Deeks with me," he told his sleepy partner.

"Wait, why G? What's wrong? If you take Deeks then what's going to happen with Kensi? She needs him more than anyone right now!"

"Sam he just broke down in the gym after beating the hell out of the punching bag. Deeks can't help Kensi right now, he's totally burned out, both physically and emotionally." Callen explained quietly, even though Deeks was still sitting in his car and couldn't hear him.

"You think something went wrong during the Mission?" Sam asked.

"I don't know Sam, all I know is if he keeps going on like this then he will be a ticking bomb ready to explode." Callen looked through his window, Deeks worried him. He was still sitting in the car staring out of the window but not really looking at anything. It was as if his body was there but his mind had just gone. The only sign of life was the occasional tear he wasn't hiding but fell soundlessly into his lap.

"Ok G, but please let me know if I can help." Sam said.

"Will you let Hetty know?" Callen asked.

Sam sighed again, "You haven't told her?"

Callen laughed "I left her a message, but I'm not sure she'll find it, besides, would you call her at 4am for anything less than a nuclear attack?"

"Point taken, ok I'll do it, now go and let me get some sleep." Sam groused over the phone.

"Will do, bye Sam" G said and closed the phone.

"Take care G , both of you" Sam said to the dial tone that replaced Callen's voice, "I hope you know what you are doing." He mused aloud to himself.

Sam hung up and turned over, hugging Michelle he fell asleep for what little remained of his night.

* * *

Callen walked to the car, put his stuff in the back and drove over to Deeks' apartment.

"We're here." Callen said.

Deeks didn't move.

"Deeks?" Callen said again.

Deeks just stared out of the window as if in a trance, Callen called him 3 more times to get his attention, still nothing worked so he tried to shake him.  
Deeks flinched and moved away from the hands that grabbed him.

"Deeks, it's Callen, are you ok, we're at your place, we need to pick up Monty and your stuff." He reminded him gently.

Deeks nodded and got out of the car following Callen up the stairs and handed him the key to his apartment.

As Callen opened the door a streak of brown grey white and black fur sped past him and proceeded to jump up excitedly at Deeks.

"Hey boy!" Deeks said his voice sounding flat and sad.

Monty stopped and sat at his master's feet his head cocked at an angle and he looked at Callen as if to ask what was wrong.

Callen smiled, "Come on Deeks, make sure you've got all you need, and for Monty too." He said grabbing Monty's bowls from the kitchen floor and giving them a rinse before he put them in the bag with the dog kibble.  
Monty looked like he hadn't seen Deeks in ages and Callen wondered how long it had been since Deeks had been home.

Deeks took a bit longer than Callen to pack his bag, mostly because unlike Callen, his bag wasn't already packed.

But within the hour, just as the Sun was rising they hit the PCH and headed north.

Now on the road again Callen couldn't just wait any longer and asked "How long Deeks? How long did you think you could keep going like that?"

Deeks shrugged and stared out of the window.

"Did you really think no one would see right through that wall you built? That no one cared enough to notice that you are struggling too? "

"You haven't before." Deeks said softly.

Callen sighed, Deeks was right, there had been times before when Deeks had been hurting and the team had not been there for him, small things that Callen who had been through similar experiences noticed, but had elected to let the detective sort them out on his own.  
Deeks resumed staring out of the window.

Callen got on the PCH 1 north to Malibu; he drove past the homes of the rich and famous and pulled up at an older slightly ramshackle house at the end of the beach. Pulling up Deeks looked around.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"Malibu, my house…and no you can't tell the others." Callen grinned.

For this was not the house Sam knew about, or one of the places he had stayed in as a child, this was his, he had won the home in a poker game years ago when he was in the CIA, the agent who lost the home was moving abroad and hadn't minded the loss of the house. This was where Callen came to recharge and rejuvenate his soul and he hoped that Deek would benefit from some time here.

Deeks looked at the house, it was wooden, built right on the beach, far enough away that no one came up here, it had a large wooden patio with an outdoor grill and two fishing poles leant against the side of the house, Deek smiled as he saw the surfboards too.

"You surf?" Deeks asked with a small grin.

Callen shook his head, "Na, came with the house." He admitted.

He opened the door and Monty rushed past them to explore this new place he would be staying with his master.

Deeks looked around the inside had been retrofitted, it was brand new, there was a safe in the living room and a door to a basement that Deeks would have sworn was not in the original plans.

"Nice."

Callen smiled, "Thanks, You're room is here…you have a great view of the Ocean." He said, he remembered Deeks saying that the Ocean calmed him. He left Monty and Deeks in the room, to get some sleep, as he walked down the stairs and opened the basement door.

He walked down into his Armory and stock room, there were enough supplies to outlast a war, and Callen was nothing if not prepared. He took his gun and cleaned it then put it with the others. He walked over to a lone chair sat in front of a TV screen grabbed a beer from the fridge situated next to the chair and put the TV on.

He watched as the sun rose over the ocean on the monitors that were angled to look that way.

Callen wasn't a stand on the beach and watch the sunrise kinda guy, but sitting in his basement surrounded by guns and watching it on a monitor with a beer, now that he could do.

As he drank his thoughts turned to how he could help his friend who was according to the other monitor he had on flat out face down on the bed sleeping with one arm draped over a very patient dog.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

He didn't know how to describe what he felt right now. ...

All he could say it was a storm, hurricane or typhoon which swirled his emotions inside of him.  
This kind of storm was like it was sent from hell or even the devil himself. With each punch his anxiety increased, it was destroying that little faith he had clawed back for himself after his childhood, no mercy, no comfort, no sanity for him.  
No one could get him out of that, or he rather didn't want them to help him or allow them to help him.  
He deserved that, he believed it.  
That pain he was in he deserved, the pain he put himself in he deserved he had lost control, he had hurt not only another human, but a blind man, a man who was weaker than himself…he was just like his father, the longer he punched the heavy bag the further and further and his self hatred increased. ...

This was making him sick, sick of himself sick of what he had done...

He was no better, no better than his own father ...

Even worse, he thought, he was no better than that evil man with the drill...

He hated himself for what he had done after he was told and showed that the only person in this cruel world he loved, was not among the living anymore. ...Kensi... That one person who needed him the most right now, but he couldn't be with her...He wanted to hold her comfort her reassure her that that she was safe, to be there when she was waking up to her own screams when the evil of all realities were came back in the middle of the night.

But no, he wasn't that person anymore. He was lost, lost like a child in the system... That no one cared enough about... No one had asked him, what he'd had to do to find out that man was the father of a Taliban terrorist; no one asked if he was alright, no one asked if he had had to face his own personal hell to save the lives of his friends. Callen and Sam had come out of it smiling, Callen had saved a child, and he was, in Deeks' opinion a hero. Jack was safe and had taken the child with him and they had joked as they walked past Kensi and Deeks holding each other while Kensi wept into his shoulder and he had soothed her fears, but no one had noticed the haunted look on his face at his own actions. Or if they had noticed, they hadn't cared enough to ask.

He was truly lost in his own hell not knowing if he would ever come out of it

He was glad that Kensi hadn't see him like this ...  
She was sent away with her Mother hours ago ... not knowing where she was but sure enough that she was at a safe place, he had slipped away to take vent to his emotions.

He was sure Hetty that arranged that for him and Kensi to have more time apart, he understood her need to heal, but right now he needed her too, he needed her to hold him, to tell him it would be ok, that she didn't blame him for all he'd had to do, that he wasn't like his father, that she still had faith in him.

He only got a text from Kensi... that told him that she would be away and that she would miss him, but that it was necessary for them to be able to continue to live to work and to be partners again.

* * *

So, Deeks was on his own with plenty of time and no distractions from the dark thoughts that were consuming him.  
No one else paying enough attention to notice how quiet and distracted the young detective had become. But he was used to no one noticing him, he was good at it, hell, he'd been doing it for years ever since his father first got drunk and picked up a belt, he had learned to walk silently and unnoticed through life when he needed too.

He didn't know how he got to O.S.P. or how long he was beating the hell out of the punching bag. Right now his life was out of focus and he hoped that by some exercise, beating his demons he would get his focus back.  
He didn't even realize that his hands were cut open from the enormous pressure his hands took with each punch.  
All he wanted was to get rid of this numbness he was feeling physically and mentally although he had a storm of emotions inside of him ...

This dark nemesis was haunting him not only in his dreams but in the waking hours too, there seemed to be no escape from it.

He was so engrossed in his own hell he didn't hear the normally familiar footsteps approaching the gym nor that the man that belonged to them was watching him for quite a while.

His overly exhausted body took now over and he broke down crying and ready to go further down till he hopefully passed out. That would be a relief, but he hadn't brought that thought to an end...  
Suddenly he felt someone touch him and he violently jerked up on instinct.

As he saw who was standing in front of him he quickly stood up and apologized but avoided eye contact and practically ran into the locker room...

* * *

Getting dressed on autopilot, Deeks ran the look on Callen's face through his mind, he seemed disappointed in him. Maybe he should have been stronger for the team, like Callen and Sam had been. They had been held down under fire and by the time Deeks had gotten to them they had been nonplussed, he had thought he had redeemed himself slightly for his sins by saving them, finally he would get some respect, a little acknowledgement of his actions, something good…a thank you would have done. But nothing, They had praised the chopper pilot for his landing, the translator for finding out that the blind man was the father of a terrorist, but for Deeks, nothing…Callen had been focused on getting the orphan girl in the chopper, rather than sealing her fate with the rest of the group who were to be the subject of a later airstrike. Sam had focused on Kensi and Jack's injuries until they could get to a medic. Deeks had just sat silently in the back not saying a word.

"Deeks?!" Callen said raising his voice and finally getting his attention.

Deeks looked up and Callen had been shocked at the lack of life in his eyes.

"Deeks, you're coming with me." Callen had said.

He had stood in the locker room and had seen Deeks sitting unmoving on the bench for 20 minutes, not even attempting to change. That was when he had made up his mind to do his best to help.

Callen, still in his basement at the house in Malibu looked up at the monitor in the room he had left Deeks in. He was no longer sprawled on the bed, he had curled up into the fetal position, his head tucked in at his knees and he was sobbing.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Every time he closed his eyes he had that picture before his eyes and it haunted him.

Her lifeless body on the rocky floor, the slit throat and all that blood... This image was for all his time burned into his eyes and then suddenly the scene changed into the house of the terrorist's father...  
His unconscious mind assaulted him with the things he had done and the person he had become in order to exchange the hostages ...that was the last what he heard before he woke up by his own crying and was ashamed of himself and disgusted...

Callen climbed the stairs to the room Deeks was in.

He knocked quietly and slipped inside.

It didn't matter how stealthily Callen moved Deeks heard him anyway. "I'm sorry Callen; I didn't mean to let the team down."

He didn't know why he apologized when it was truly vice versa...

So he was really surprised that Callen wasn't agreeing with him in that matter...

"It's not about the team." Callen said sitting on a chair next to the window, looking over at Deeks. "It's about you, this last mission…you did something didn't you, something that's eating you up inside…you can't keep it in Deeks, it'll eat you alive, you need to talk."

Deeks sat up and looked at Callen, his eyes were red and there were dark circles under his eyes, "I broke my own rule, I promised myself and I broke it…"

Callen nodded and waited.

"I can't…I need to clear my head. I need to find my center again." He said.

"Closet." Callen said standing up and walking to the door, "There's a wetsuit in the closet, I have surfboards downstairs, I'll meet you at the shore in ten." He said walking away to get his own wetsuit on.

* * *

Not many people knew that Callen surfed, he loved it, much like Deeks the waves and the ocean calmed him, and hence the reason he had kept this house when he won it.

Callen looked behind him as he reached the edge of the ocean, Monty ran up past him and into the surf letting him know that Deeks was indeed following him.

He grabbed his board and plunged into the ocean, ducking his head underwater and climbing on his board to paddle out past the waves and sat bobbing in the ocean.

Within moments Deeks joined him, "I didn't know you surfed Callen?" Deeks said his worries and fears dissipating in the water.

"I've spent a lot of time near the beach, Never owned my own surfboard until I was 20, but I 'borrowed' a few in my time, got my first from an old guy who caught me borrowing his and trying to surf, said if I felt that passionately about it I should learn what surfing was really about and learn to do it right." Callen told him.

"Me too, learned from a guy called, Sharky." Deeks said.

Callen grinned, "Old guy, grey hair, had a dog called…"

"Bob!" they both said together and laughed.

"God, he was old when he taught me he must have been ancient when you met him." Callen sighed remembering the old man, Callen had known he was a cop and despite his upbringing had trusted him when he hadn't immediately arrested him for trying to steal his board. He had been the one man to turn Callen's life around, and to find out that Deeks had learned to surf from the same man in a way brought them closer together.

They sat for a few moments, feeling the waves then both at the same time looked back and grinned at each other.

They turned their boards and started paddling towards the shore, within moments the wave hit, at least a seven Deeks thought as his mind went blank and he surfed on instinct through the tube and out the other side.

"WHOO HOO!" he yelled the exhilaration of the moment going through him.

Callen joined in the whoop as he followed behind him.

As they hit the shore Deeks collapsed on his back a smile plastering his face.

* * *

They did a couple more sets and then headed back for the house, the grill already on.

"You barbecue for breakfast?" Deeks asked.

Callen shrugged "Don't have a stove, and steak and eggs for breakfast after a set like that is a given."

Deeks couldn't disagree and he grabbed a beer and flopped onto a lounger with Monty beside him.

"You don't need to talk, all at once or even at all," Callen said as he threw two steaks on the grill, "You do need to find your own peace inside yourself and that's what you seem to have lost, that's what I'm here for." He looked over at Deeks who had closed his eyes, this time contentment was on his face.

"I will talk G, soon…" he promised. It was the first time in days that he felt a weight lifted off of his shoulders since he was back from the mission.  
And he was not alone.


	5. Chapter 5

A's/N. ncislaaddict123 and I would like to apologize for the long wait between chapters. For those who don't know she is writing this with me, (Callen37). I however have been called out of the country for work and have limited to non-existent internet where I am, today I have managed to get a limited signal so we managed to get this out for you. We are working hard on the next chapter, which again will be posted when the internet in this very very hot country is working and not frelting my computer. Thank you for your patience. Gina Callen.

* * *

Chapter 5

Callen and Deeks sat on the deck, Monty lying stretched out at Deeks' feet. They ate their steaks in silence; finally, Deeks was feeling comfortable instead of awkward in front of his team leader.

The constant questions Deeks asked himself and the uncertainty he felt towards himself, and the events on the Mission pushed him deeper and deeper into the dark recesses of his mind.  
Monty sensed that and he barked to bring his master out of the dread he intended to get himself lost in.  
G only watched, he knew it was too early to confront the shaggy haired man. He decided instead to share some stories about Sharky to get a feeling for each other and maybe Deeks would relax a bit more. He had to be careful with him because he knew if he approached the subject too soon Deeks would backtrack and build up his walls again.

"Where did you learn how to make such a delicious steak?" Deeks asked unexpectedly ... moments ago he was withdrawn and far away in his mind, Callen couldn't bring him out of it and now ... it was as if he was protecting himself; avoiding any questions or comments about what had just happened.

"Gibbs taught me while we were on a Mission to rescue some political hostages in Serbia" was G's responded.  
He looked at Marty and saw the light flinch and the stiff body posture by mentioning the words "hostages and rescue"  
All he got from Marty was a nod...

"How did you meet Sharky?" Deeks asked.

Callen laughed, "I was twelve, I was placed with a family that lived near the beach, and they were ok as families went but took absolutely no notice of me whatsoever."

Callen stopped as Deeks raised an eyebrow at Callen's casual mention of neglect.

"Trust me, sometime being ignored is safer than being noticed," he said shrugging it off and he continued. "Anyhow I hadn't eaten for a few days and it was summer vacation so no chance of a school lunch to get something to eat. So as I had to be out of the house before the family got up, I was at the beach at 4.30am, I was watching the vendors set up and get their wares ready to sell. Anyway, I'm sitting on the beach smelling a hot-dog vendor's cart and my stomach starts rumbling." Callen ate another bite of his steak as if he was stopping a memory of his own he swallowed and continued.

"So this old guy comes along and puts his towel down on the sand with a cool box puts his surfboard in the sand. Like most adults I think he doesn't see me on the sand, turns out later he did and was worried about me." His voice breaks a little at the memory and he took a drink to cover the slip. He really didn't want to tell Deeks this, but if he was expecting the younger man to open up to him, he needed to give a little first didn't he?

"Anyway I watched him surf and I knew he was out in the water, but I lost sight of him as I stared at that cooler, I moved closer and closer until I was sitting right by it, and I opened it half an inch, nearly died at the amount of food there was inside it. There was sandwiches and chips and soda's. I smelled it and wanted to take it, but I couldn't and I started to close the lid when Sharky put his hand on my shoulder."

Callen smiled at the memory.

* * *

Sharky had been four times to the beach that week and had seen the skinny kid there every day, yesterday he had watched the kid all day, seen him there before daylight, and watched as he'd scrounged through the trash looking for discarded food. He'd been impressed when a man had dropped his wallet and although the kid was obviously hungry, he had ran up to the man with his kid and handed him his wallet back, refused a reward suggesting he brought his kid something with the money instead and had stared hungrily at the ice cream he'd brought his son.

He didn't know what the deal was with the kid, but he was obviously honest and hungry. A rare combination.

So this morning he'd packed a cooler full of food and drinks and taken it with him.

He'd seen the same kid on the beach and surfed briefly watching the kid get closer and closer to the food, he'd opened the lid and he wondered if the kid would get the hint and help himself to the food inside but even though he could hear the kid's stomach growling he was shutting the lid.

He reached out and touched the kid on the shoulder. Instantly he flinched and scrambled away.

"I weren't gonna steal nothin!" Callen snapped looking frightened at the man.

"I know that kid, but I'd be a shame if you didn't help me eat some, I made too much again."

Callen shook his head; he wasn't going to just, take food from the other man.

Sharky sighed, grabbed a sealed packet of sandwiches and a soda, and dropped them in an empty trashcan.

Callen waited for a second and bolted over to the trashcan, took the food and drink out of it and wolfed it down watching Sharky all the time as he ate.

As Callen finished his food and put the trash in the can he turned to find a packet of chips and another can of soda on the sand halfway between the man and him, Sharky nodded at the boy and he moved over to eat the food.

Sharky moved a bit closer, watching Callen as he ate, "My name's Sharky, what's yours?" he asked.

Callen looked at him. "Callen…G…my name's G."

"Interesting…" Sharky said as Callen winced slightly waiting for the inevitable, how can that be your name to come out; however, Sharky said nothing.

"You like the ocean?" Sharky asked.

Callen nodded his mouth full; he took a drink of the soda. "How do you do that?" he asked nodding towards the surfboard.

"What…Surf?" Sharky asked.

Callen nodded, "Is it dangerous?" he asked.

Sharky shook his head, "Na…you know if you're interested the surf shack runs classes, maybe your parents would let you learn."

Callen looked away, "I don't have any parents…I...I don't wanna learn, I was just asking."

"Hey…kid, G…I could teach you…" Sharky offered as Callen turned to look longingly at the surfers in the ocean.

"Na, Can't pay ya." Callen said.

Sharky smiled, "You're young and healthy though?" He said.

Callen's head snapped up and the scared and guarded look came up again, Sharky wondered what on earth this kid had been through in his life. Callen softened as Sharky's dog, Bob came bounding over and nuzzled the boy, for Sharky that was it, if Bob liked him the kid couldn't be bad.

"I have a shed I need building and some yard work done, what do you say? you give me an hour's work for an hour's surfing lesson."

Callen nodded, and Sharky smiled. He was an ex police officer and he'd seen kids like Callen before; he hoped that by getting him a hobby he liked he could keep him out of trouble. There was good in this kid and he hoped that in some small way he'd help keep him out of trouble.

Callen turned to Deeks, "And that was that, I did his yard work all summer and he taught me to surf, and a few other things as well…He was a good friend." He said sadly remembering that Sharky had died a few years before.

After breakfast and after they had shared a few more stories about Sharky and how similar the experiences were Callen decided to show Deeks yet another secret no one else know except for him.

* * *

Callen stood up and grinned, "C'mon, I want to show you something " he said and the two made their way to the garage where he stopped in front of the door and fixed his younger companion with a serious glare to maintain how important this was... "You have to keep this a secret." He said.  
MARTY said in his unique surfer drawl "Don't worry about me I can keep a secret, despite what everyone else believes, so don't sweat it" and of course he kept some major ones.

Callen then opened his garage, walked to the far end lifted a tarpaulin up and tossed it to the side ...

Deeks was speechless and Callen could see the longing in his eyes and he knew what this look meant, he had the same one. Standing in the middle of the garage were two motorcycles, exactly the same type as the ones Hetty had confiscated from Deeks a few months ago. He walked towards them and stopped, reached out reverently and almost touched one of the glorious machines but hesitated, he looked at Callen to seek his permission. He got a nod and than he was once again in his own world.  
He dared to remember how he felt when riding such a perfect bike how the wind whistled through his hair or the freedom he felt. But then again as if on purpose, his mind assaulted him once again with his failures.

Callen could see the sudden change in Deeks demeanor and quickly handed the young man a helmet and took the lead he thought it was the best to decide for him and maybe, maybe he would come out of it.  
This safe haven had been good, he lifted Monty up and secured him to a harness he had preinstalled on the back of Deeks' bike and grabbed two bags, which he tied to the back of his bike.

"Where are we going?" Deeks asked.

Callen smiled, "Haven." He said and climbed on the bike, "Stay close and follow me." He instructed, he turned the ignition over on the bike and after locking up the house by remote control he sped off with Monty and Deeks following close behind.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Deeks stayed close following near as Callen took his bike up into the trails of the Los Angeles forest.

The trees thinned out and there were muddy canyon roads looking like it was leading to the middle of nowhere, but Deeks kept up. Soon Callen pulled outside a small mom and pop gas station.

"G? …Good to see ya again kid!" the elderly man on a rocking chair grinned.

"Hey Pop. How ya doing?" Callen asked as Deeks pulled up behind him.

"Fine, ya ma's inside, cooking up a storm ya hungry?" he asked.

Callen grinned and nodded, "Got a friend with me today and his dog."

The old man grinned, "Sure, we hardly get any customers this time of day and ya ma has got all the fixings for your favorite food." He added as Deeks walked over to them.

"Pop, this is Marty, my friend." Callen said.

Deeks looked up in surprise, his friend? He'd never been called someone's friend before, when not undercover…ray excepting.

"Pleased to meet you Marty, G doesn't bring people by to see us much." The old man said.

Marty looked at Callen, he was using his real name with these people?

"Go inside, take ya dog, Ma'll find something for the dog to eat." He said gesturing to the diner.

* * *

Marty looked up as Callen jogged easily inside, "MA!" he called with a huge grin on his face.

An elderly woman looked up and dropped a pan. "G. Callen…as I live and breathe! Come 'ere boy!" she said and threw her arms open.

To Deeks' surprise Callen ran across the room and wrapped his arms around the smaller woman.

"I have missed you so much." Callen said kissing her cheek.

Ma looked him up and down her kind smiling face having a ghost of concern as she checked him out for injuries. Then she looked over at Deeks and Monty standing quietly in the corner. She could, as she always had been able too, see the pain behind the boys' eyes.

"He with you?" she asked quietly as she hugged Callen.

He nodded and stepped back, "Ma, this is Marty Deeks my friend, we are heading to my home for a few days." He told her.

Deeks looked confused as Ma moved Callen out of the way and grabbed a bowl from behind the counter and filled it with water, "and who is this?" She asked.

"His name is Monty." Deeks said a small light returning to his eyes. "I can leave him outside if you want." He said reaching for the dog's collar.

"No…no he can stay, sit down you look famished, knowing my son he's had you up since before dawn…now sit and I'll make you both some food." She said ushering them into a booth.

She left them and Monty curled up on the floor.

"My son?" Deeks asked a small smile playing on his lips.

"Foster mom, one of the nicer ones. Stayed with them a month when I was sixteen didn't wanna leave." Callen admitted.

"Why did you?" Deeks asked, he'd been fostered himself but only by one family.

"CPS worker wanted to move me, something to do with targets and numbers." Callen said, "I didn't get a choice."

"So you visit a lot?" Deeks asked.

Callen nodded as he sipped the coffee that 'Ma' had left on the table for them both.

"I have a cabin up here, Pa built it, and they gave it to me for my 21st." he said. "I share it with my foster sister."

"You have a foster sister?"

Callen laughed, "I've been in care I have HUNDREDS of foster brothers and sisters."

Deeks took a sip of his coffee. "This is nice." He said.

Callen smiled warmly, "Ma loves to help people and she'll feed ya until ya burst." He warned. "I think she had a Jewish mother…" he whispered conspiratorially.

"I HEARD THAT!" a call came from the kitchen.

"SORRY MA!" he called back laughing.

* * *

Deeks relaxed, this was a side of Callen no one knew existed, he looked over at the man his eyes closed in relaxation in the booth.

Sam would probably relax if he ever saw Callen like that. Deeks thought.

"No." Callen said looking straight at Deeks, "You can't tell Sam." He stated.

"Why not?" Deeks asked, "Sam would be pleased you have this."

"I know, but Marty, I can't put them in danger, it would only take one wrong word." Callen said.

Deeks looked at him, "But you trust me?"

Callen shrugged, "You didn't squeal on Michelle or Sam, you're stronger than that, so yeah I trust you." He said.

Deeks couldn't help the lump that suddenly appeared in his throat. This meant a lot to him.

And Callen knew it, he could see the new energy that started to flow through the man, just a few more days like that and hopefully they'd be ready to go back to work.

"Here you go…" Ma said as she put plates in front of them. "G, I'm going to make you both a box lunch and I'll get you some supplies from the store, the cabin is ok, or it was last weekend when we checked on it."

She placed the key on the table, "There ya go." She said.

"Thanks Ma. Can't take too much I'm on the bike." Callen said.

"Nonsense I have everything packed into the saddlebags you left here last time, between the two of you you'll have enough room, now eat!" she said poking him in the ribs.

"Yes Ma." Callen sighed and started his food motioning to Deeks to do the same.

Ma brought a plate of sausages out for Monty and placed it in front of the happy dog as she placed two full saddlebags next to them. "Now, G…There is enough for a few days but don't forget to come back down for more." She said

Callen nodded and carried on eating as Ma smiled at her once, and in her heart forever, foster son.

They climbed back on their bikes adding the saddlebags that Ma had packed for them and with a pat to the head for Monty and a hug for both Callen and Deeks the trio set on their way.

* * *

It was another hour through the mountains on the clearly marked trail when Callen took a turn to the left and headed down an unmarked track and pulled up in front of a log cabin surrounded by trees.

"Wow!" Deeks said taking his helmet off, "This is awesome." Despite the depression, he had been feeling the light, dappled on the forest floor and the huge log cabin makes his spirit soar.

Callen smiled, "Now you see why we came here." He said.

Deeks unstrapped Monty and he ran around barking and sniffing the new smells in the forest.

At Monty's bark, one of the curtains in the cabin twitched and Callen caught it and pulled his gun.

"Stay here." Callen said quietly as Deeks gave him a small nod and pretended he had not seen anything moving to a point where he too could unholster his weapon and followed Callen's lead into the cabin.

Callen went in first and stopped, "Federal Agent come out with your hands…Lilly?!" he said surprised and lowered his weapon, "Momma Lilly?" he breathed.

The older women looked at him with tears in her eyes, "Baby G?" she asked.

Callen nodded, only one person had ever called him that, and that woman was only 6 years older than he was. She meant more to him than anyone he had known throughout his life.

"It's ok, you can carry on unpacking, it's a friend!" Callen called out the door.

"OK!" Deeks voice floated back and he turned to unpack the saddlebags on the bikes.

"Lilly, why are you here…are you still married to…him?" Callen asked his voice hushed, even thirty-four years could erase the terror from his voice of the first foster parent to beat him and break his spirit.

Lilly smiled her bright blue eyes still sparkling even though her blonde hair had grayed somewhat over the years. "No baby G, he died in 1998. He was jailed for attacking me and my son."

"I told them Lilly, I told them you were pregnant and that it was his, I told them he hurt us, but they didn't believe me." Callen pulled her into his arms not sure, if he were comforting her or himself.

"I know, I had to marry him so he wouldn't be prosecuted, they didn't care as soon as I married I was off the CPS books. Saved them money and he'd convinced the social worker that I was in love with him."

"So you had a boy then?" Callen asked walking over to the coffee pot that stood on the range. Feeling that it was hot and fresh he poured himself a cup.

"Yeah, I lost touch with him after my husband was shot, they took him into care, said I wasn't stable enough to be a mother."

Callen shot her a look, "You were the best mother ever," he said remembering the young girl who bandaged his knees when he fell and when he _**'fell'**_. He remembered the fear in her eyes as the foster father would scream their names in a drunken rage and he remembered holding her as she sobbed the day she found out that she, at fourteen, was going to be a mother.

Lilly smiled at him, "Thanks G. Although I heard he did well got good foster parents, I think he's a lawyer now."

"Why are you up here?" she asked.

"A friend from work has been through some rough stuff, he needs to get his head together so I took him to the beach and then thought I'd bring him up here, maybe take him hiking."

Lilly smiled, "Nice plan."

Callen looked around, "Why are you here?" he asked.

"Nothing for you to worry about, my new…ex-husband…he's got into some stuff, I didn't want in, he didn't want me out so I'm hiding out." She smiled. "I have some food if you haven't eaten yet." She said moving towards the kitchen.

"No we stopped down the trail," Callen said and looked up as Monty ran in.

"Hi?" Lilly said stroking the dog. She stood up and swayed and Callen caught her.

"You ok?" he asked worried holding her tight.

"Hit my head a few days ago, so a but dizzy." She admitted, she relaxed into his hug and he stroked her hair making her feel safe and enjoying the feeling as Deeks walked in.

"I got the saddlebags where to you want…?" he stopped as he looked at them both.

"Callen?...Mom?" Deeks looked at the pair of them. If it were not so crazy, it would be funny. His team leader had just kissed his mother, ok it was on the cheek but he had just _**KISSED HIS MOTHER**_!

"Deeks?" Callen said looking at the horrified face of the detective.

"Marty?" Lilly said stunned. "Marty? Is that really you?"


End file.
